AANP Past-President (2008-2009)
Photo by Katherine via Flickr, used under the Creative Commons License.
October is the month of my birthday. As such, I have long experienced October as a unique flow of emotions and reflections. As my birthday approaches, I find myself awash in the incoming tide of anticipation and the receding tide of closure. As my current year runs itself out, a peaceful sense of finality spreads its way into my consciousness. I reflect on my prior year with feelings of gratitude and deep appreciation for all of my experiences. I find myself letting go of unresolved issues and troublesome questions. It is as if I am at a door looking back into a room that holds all the experiences of my past year. I see the way the room has been arranged; I note the piles and the empty spots; I see the shafts of sunlight streaming in here and there; I notice dust in a few places. I see all this with quiet, peaceful eyes, and then, I gently close the door behind me.Ahead of me is my next year – a year I don’t know yet. I have no sense of it yet, but feel its eagerness. I feel the pull the future reaching out for me – stretching its fingers towards me, excitedly drawing me forward. I find myself reaching back, perhaps a bit tentatively at first. I feel curious and then anxious, impatient and then hesitant. All the while, as my new year looms ever closer, l find myself leaning further forward. There comes a moment when I will lean too far to stay in place and I fall forward into the outstretched arms of my future.
As a fall, I experience another kind of letting-go. I have no ability to right myself or change the course of my fall, so I accept my fate – utterly and completely. I recognize in that instant of acceptance, that wherever I land is perfect. I have no need to resist, but instead celebrate with joy as l free fall towards my future. In that moment, my birth-day happens. I experience a feeling of renewal that reverberates all the way into my very bones. I am born again and as I emerge into my new year, I do so with a prayer of thankfulness on my lips.
